I am not divorced, neither planning it in the following 100 years. As a child, I never thought I would be dealing with this concept because my parents had a dream marriage. My mom died on my father’s arms which is sad and depressing but marks the end I would like my marriage to withstand. Not necessarily my wife dying first, of course, and not so early in life either… (Phocking cancer!)
Nevertheless, I appear to have hit the age and time frame in which my friends are now facing the typical life ordeals which often yield to the undesirable fate of divorce. Hence, more than once I have heard the question “When is it OK to start dating after divorce?”
At first I though this was a very hard to answer question. However, I thought about it for a little bit and determined it is actually quite easy!
I know of people who have gone with option #1: To start dating a few weeks before telling their partners they want a divorce. For these scum buckets of evil, they are lucky I am not God or there would have had to deal with some “random” lightning strikes…
I am also aware of people following option #2: to wait until a few weeks after decomposition in a coffin sets in. These later folks believe in reincarnation. For people that do not believe in this non sense, I recommend option number 3: to be closer to option #1 than option #2 but making sure there is no harmed individual in the process.
The idea behind option #3 is to realize that life consists on a finite number of days. Hence we better take advantage out of every single one of them! Some people are so enthralled into this rule, they start the dating process on their first marriage’s honey moon. Heck, they don’t know when they are getting divorced! Why wait? I am thinking that should be called option #0, and they should pray even more I am not God!
In conclusion, the answer to the question is: As soon as POSSIBLE, where possible implies you are ready both physically and mentally (and spiritually if you are religious).
The problem is that divorce is usually associated with feelings of failure and inadequacy. This is thanks to the fact that we are surrounded by people. Billions of them! And although we are under the impression that they have been put in place to help us deal with those little burdens in life, in reality their goal is to make us feel like crap! And what a phockingly good job they do. They should even get paid for this!!!
How to deal with the negative feelings regarding divorce:
In order to be able to start enjoying from the dating process once again, it is very important to deal with the natural uninvited grief settling in and get rid of it with as much haste as possible (and reasonable, which is totally subjective). The first step is to understand it is not your fault you got divorced.
Yes, it would be kind of retarded to blame the divorce on lunar phase gravity pull on tidal waves or a prehistoric butterfly flapping its wing during March 17, 203,621,529 BC. BTW, if you do manage to travel back in time and find that very same butterfly, don’t squash it! It could change the way I write this article or my hair color. Not certain of which…
Hence who are we going to blame? The ex-spouse? Of course not… We blame nature!
The frigging nature is what has caused all of this dilemma. 50% divorce rate and we are trying to understand why. Well, I tell you because there is no other way!
Guys like sports while females like scrap booking. Until we come up with a sport in which we throw scissors at each other and end up catching stickers through netted concoctions, females and males will not be compatible!
It matters not that we guys have a plug and the females the perfect jack. It is like we are mono and they are stereo. Or even worst! We are VGA and they are DVI. In other words, not compatible!
So what is the solution? Wait until evolution kicks in and makes us hermaphrodites. That’s it! Had we been hermaphrodites, we would have been married since birth and there would be no better way for being torn apart by death! Specially if it is a truck, or high speeding bus, the reason for culminating our days.
Going to the Root: Why do we feel bad about divorce?
This one of the other regions where I hate what religion has done to us. First of all I am open minded enough to realize that if divorce is the only option for us to acquire happiness later in life, then it is the perfect option. Even European Kings could figure this out centuries ago! However, here comes the religious people to make sure we never achieve said happiness.
“Oh! You broke THE promise, you will rot in hell”. “To the eyes of God you are still married to that same partner. Any other partner you acquire is like adultery. I hope you rot in hell” And it goes on!
Why? Because these ancestor-phockers (my new implementation of Mother Phocker) are envious of the fact that while you can choose to be happy in this life, they have to get stuck with what they have on this one in a futile attempt to be happy during the next. Well I have news! There is no other life, so screw the frigging retarded religious views on why we have to suffer in this instance in order to be (possibly) happy later. And if there is a God, I know he is with me. Heck, I have faith in this, so it must be true!
In fact I believe the marriage oath should be amended to:
“for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part or as long as my frigging partner is reasonable, whichever comes first!”
That’s not all. Divorce is seen as failure. Well, it may be the failure to wait until one partner dies (or you die) but it is clearly a success in getting rid of the scum bucket of evil who is making your life miserable! Unless you are the one making the other’s life miserable in which case you be glad I am not God… And I would be watching!
How about inadequacy feelings? Well we are all a bunch of retards anyway! Of course we are inadequate. Otherwise, we would all be God! And if I can not be God, neither can you. Lets be fair, here, OK?
