I am tired of people coming up to me with looser like cliches when it comes to money. Why on Earth can I not be greedy? What is wrong with wanting to have huge amounts of money? The Church has a lot, why aren’t we calling them greedy and selfish? But beware! As soon as you say “I want to be filthy, stinking rich!” here is what a few mahmerts will say:
Money does not buy happiness - Holy heaven of zoroasters! Really? I had no idea! But tell me then, what does? Let say I drink a lot of gold and pee ingots, can I buy happiness with this then? No! Because happiness can not be bought! Happiness does not exist. If it did, it would be sold on Best Buy, Circuit City, COMPUSA or Fry Electronics. So don’t give me that perennial excrement of what I can not buy with money. Is what I can buy that appeals to me!
Because money may not get me the inexistent happiness but it surely can get me a lot of goodies that will truly help into achieving the illusion! Seems like good enough to me! Hit me MATRIX! But if happiness did exist and even then it were impossible to get it with money, could I get it with pooredom (if that is a word...). I don’t think so!
Money can not buy health - Holy Escombocketries! I am glad there are so many geniuses in this planet taking seriously the quest for wisdom and knowledge. First of all, nobody has health. You may think that you do, but in reality we are always sick. What happens is that we learn to live with this disease called life. And I am not saying that being alive sucks, I am saying that being alive leads to death. Unless you are a highlander (which I would drool over having the chance to be!), like in the TV series...
Health comes and go. Some people have more than others. Is it tied to money? NO! Some poor people will live to a hundred, some will die young (I am guessing a good number get themselves killed first, although I do not have evidence to support this claim and am too lazy to look it up). The same happens to rich people. However who do you think has a better chance at getting expensive treatment for some nasty diseases? Hopefully, you are not spending more than a few seconds in guessing the answer to this...
Greedy People are Evil! - Why? Why on Earth is it so bad to have money goals in life? Do I have to be like a vegetal who decides to spend my life waiting for death to come by and say “Hiya there, old buddy! Are you ready to taste some of my blade though your neck?” So, if I instead decide that I want to do something a little bit more fun, which will clearly require money, then I am evil! PHOCK! Is not enough to follow the ten commandments! Now you have to be poor as well? Which one of the commandments is that? Do we have 11 now?
“Thou shall putrify on pooredness, even if you can avoid it!”
Poor people can be equally evil! Have Bill Gates or the Waltons been surprised sticking up somebody?
“Hey you piltrafany! Buy my Windows XP - Media Center 2006 - Home Edition - Network Ready - Anti Linux - Blue Screen Proof - Operating System or I slid your throat with my hard disk! And don’t forget to get a copy of the Corridor Free -Water Fountain - Bathroom Ready - Many Rooms - Office suite!”
Rich people do not assault others. Not in the street and at night. Not with a knife or a gun. They do this with their head! Because they know how to use it. Hence, we do not have evidence to prove they are evil. They are greedy, no doubt. But evil? I don’t know... Do you?
Money is not everything in life - This one is true! My apartment is not made out of money. But with money it was built and with money I can rent it. The same applies to my car, cell phone, home phone, internet access, water, electricity and gas utilities, car and renters insurance, food, health bills, and all the other crap that you get thanks to the goody greens. When you hear we have been invaded by green people, reply with “Thank God they are green! Lets harvest them into bucks!”
Everything is money! Nobody lunches for free. But even if you do, somebody had to pay for it and “somebody” is trying to get paid back. It would take brain damage to actually believe that you can get something for nothing. If it looks so, you better get some contact lenses...
So next time a moron comes up with on of these stupid responses to money, you return the sapiens with:
“My God you are right! Please give me all the money you have, so that I can save your sorry butt!”
or
“AGGGGHHH!!! The money on my pockets is burning me! Quick! Throw all your 20, 50 and 100 dollar bills inside, so that I can relieve you from the pain!”
