Today comes as a sad realization. What has been my Xmas for so many years, may no longer be. Black Friday SUCKs! Notice I say SUCK and not suck. It is the acronym of Super Ultra Cosmic KRAP, which is what Black Friday has become.
What the hell happened to the free stuff? Pay $27 for a 100 CD spindle and get $27 on the mail. Sure it took a few weeks to get the money back, but that is what I call a door buster. Today, these hook deals are mostly comprised of larger MP3 players, more and more still picture cameras, near obsolete camcorders, still too expensive plasma TVs and HD DVD players, plus a myriad of totally useless devices. For God sake, I already have them all. Why would I want another MP3 player? I am already trying to stuff down my ass the previous three, and it hurts!
On the other hand, it looks like this Xmas present will be the GPS. Because we are too retarded to follow road instructions, we need this little device. That is why a pharmacy such as Walgreens and CVS are selling this nifty contraption very early at 5:00 AM. I can see Sears and JC Penney, but Walgreens? What the PHOCK? Forget vitamins and headache pills. Heck no! Now you can get your gadgets at Walgreens.
Whatever the case, I must express my total disappointment. To me it has been an adventure to get up at 3:00 AM, drive to the nearest Best Buy, get on a ridiculously long line while my balls freeze to death and my semen is perfectly preserved, just to eagerly wait for that very last minute in which the store doors open and face the largest mob filled with retards wanting to spend every single cent on discount junk. AHHH! That is what I call an adrenaline rush.
Get all the crap we have tagged on the shopper, if we are quick enough, and make a fast run towards the cash register, where in reality we end up staying in a line as long as the cement road we can build with all of Hoover Dam’s concrete, for two hours, certain that we have saved an enormous amount of money!
Today I can not feel this joy. As I browse through the shoppers all I see are items that make me say “I must be a Jupiterian fool if I am going to get in line just to buy nothing!” Because there is nothing to buy!
Could it be that Black Friday is a cyclical thing and it is made so that the poor lazy bastards who hoped to get the good deals by getting up at 10:30 AM, have a better chance this time? PHOCK them! If they could not get up last year at an early hour, they should just have missed it and learn their lesson. Let them buy the frigging 4GB MP3 player at regular price. Heck, those extra sleeping hours must cost something!
I think I will still go to this pitiful black Friday just because it is my tradition and I want to see all the freakosos sleeping on their sleeping bags as close to the door as possible, just to buy a laptop for $20 less than it cost on a normal day.
